Don't Mess With My Tribe
This may read odd, but I’ve always had a tough time making and keeping girlfriends. For as long as I can remember, my closest friends have been guys and the few close female friends I made usually had quite a masculine energy like myself. It’s almost embarrassing to admit! That I was always apprehensive about having girlfriends because in the back of my mind I felt weary that they would turn on me. It wasn’t until I became part of the Amazon tribe that my views were altered.
The reason I felt compelled to write this is because very recently I had an epiphany that I am surprised I didn’t experience earlier. As a young kid, I was bullied relentlessly by girls in my school starting from the age of eight up until fourteen. My class mates called me a slut, show-off, bitch and whore. How I was a whore at eleven years old will always be a mystery to me, but clearly my Etnies sneakers screamed “skank”. I learned to isolate myself from the girls at my school and spend my lunch hour doing homework in the library so I could have more time at my dance studio training. What we endure as kids truly does have an affect on our adult life with regards to relationships, confidence and insecurities.
So enter me as a grown ass woman, having just booked a dream role as an Amazon in the Wonder Woman movie. But I was to train every day, for six months, with the same group of twenty women. It arguably gave me more anxiety than the audition process itself. The first week I hardly talked to any of the girls, staying an introvert during breaks and putting my earphones in on the shuttle bus around the studios at the end of the day. Had it been my way, this behavior would have continued so I could go about my days as an introvert. But these girls were so damn chatty and warm to me, I felt obliged to engage in the small talk so I didn’t come across as an asshole. Every day our trainers would put us through rigorous circuits, as part of the Amazon experience, everything we did was in pairs or teams to build the bond between all of us. When we switched into our own form of beast mode, support became vital to keep our exhausting bodies and minds active enough to cross the finish line. But that support had to come from our team mates, it was simply too hard to accomplish solo. Cheering each other on with chants of, “You got this girl!” and “How bad do you want it?!”. Applauding and shouting before, during and after exercises regardless of if you have just completed your turn and how short of breath you were. Your team had just gotten you through, so you return it without question and hesitation. Before I could even think about resisting the notion, we had bonded as a tribe. Every morning when my alarm would go off at 4:30am, I leapt out of bed excited to get into the gym and spend the day with my Amazons. During our morning warm up we would update each other on personal news, other booked gigs, on set gossip and of course relationship developments. Every day for six months we laughed, sweated, cheered, gabbed and had an occasional cry. We spent six weeks filming in Italy where we were together for all our waking hours and only separated to sleep. The whole experience flew by so fast, that our last night in Matera, Italy, we congregated in one hotel room hugging and crying and saying good bye. What a journey we had shared together, with pictures and memories that we will boast about for our entire life.
As I was drinking the Amazon kool aid for so many months, the lessons and opportunities presented to me didn’t sink into my thick head until a couple of weeks after being back in London. I slept straight for what felt like an eternity, went about organizing my life again and once the dust settled, clarity took it’s place in the form of new ideals. I learned that physically, I could push my body beyond the limits my mind had set in place. If I could get endure the pain brought onto my muscles and transform my body’s shape, I could do anything I set my mind to. To be on set for up to 16 hours every day for seven weeks and still wake up every morning so excited to get to work meant that I really was doing what I loved. That happiness created from genuinely loving my job could never be replaced with a higher pay cheque and a safe, secure, dull employment. Confidence as a woman really comes from personal belief and self worth within yourself. I admired how many of the Amazons diligence resulted in belief of their talents, abilities and most importantly capabilities. To be unafraid and unapologetic, getting what they wanted for themselves because they deserve it. Taking risks in their lives and opportunities that presented themselves. People often think that going out of your way to be nice or friendly to someone is overrated. Absolute bollocks! Kindness can literally change a persons mood or day and will always be recognized by those who surround you.
As a woman the most powerful friendships you can make are those with like minded, supportive and genuine Amazons. I truly don’t know how I would have come this far in the past two years had I not opened up and allwowed myself to let my guard down to this group of gorgeous girls. We were a noticeable and unstoppable force. If one Amazon was going through an ordeal, we were all there to stop, talk and work through the situation. Through relationship problems from small quarrels to the dilemma of divorce. Career objectives and risk taking. I was often asked by others how hard it was for a group of women to spend that much time together working, "There must have been so much drama and jealousy." That is something I probably would have asked as well before all of this. But we would all be so proud to say that amongst us there was zero jealousy or drama. We felt genuine excitement when one of our girls booked a campaign job, or a dance gig with a famous pop star, or was interviewed on the news and featured in a magazine. The support was palpable.
There was one day we had in Amalfi that I remember to be an experience that truly made me understand how important these friendships are. There were four of us on our one day off and as we were walking along the pier we passed a group of Italian teenagers who were smoking hash. We stopped, discussed, then sent Jolie with her broken yet comprehensible Italian, to ask the boys to buy one joint off of them for five euros. She casually walked back signaling she had succeeded her mission, so we scurried to the very end of the pier, sat down on the edge and let our legs dangle above the sea. As Shez sparked up, I pulled out a bottle of Limoncello and cracked it open. We sat there giggling, childishly pointing at the birds on the rocks, then staring at the infinite sea in periods of silence while passing back and forth hash and limoncello. We took a picture and I remember thinking how comfortable these beauties made me feel. How hardened realities became soft because I knew they were there to catch me if I fell.
We all started a group chat almost two years ago, and still to this day we write on it, send voice notes, or drunk videos, (but those mostly come from me.) I love my Amazons and wish the absolute best for them all and I am confident they would say the same thing about our crew. That is the kind of tribe I am proud to be a part of.
This turned into an ode to my Amazons - not planned! But this spreads the love <3
