Oh the Harvey's of the World.
Oh Harvey Weinstein…. tsk, tsk.
Can I say one thing?
I am really not surprised.
Predators lurk in every industry, there is no question what color collar you are wearing. They are everywhere. My experience mostly lies with the Entertainment Industry, and boy oh boy do I have stories. Along with every other female actor or model or PA I know. I want to share one of mine, to highlight the every day occurrence of what we deal with and the possible Silver Lining... Playbook... See what I did there? That's a Weinstein movie.
In 2014 when living in London, I met a director who worked in TV and commercials. Upon meeting, we engaged in a long conversation about work, career objectives, etc. Before he left, he asked me for a coffee to discuss a commercial he was in the process of creating for his friend’s new tequila company. We exchanged numbers and he later set a day to meet him at a small French restaurant in Soho. I was so excited at the possibility of being the creative director on this commercial, I put on my most professionally chic outfit and clicked my pumps with confidence along the cobblestone side streets of Soho to meet him. When I arrived, he was sitting at the bar with a bottle of expensive white wine. To paint a picture of this man; mid-50’s, balding with grey hair, five foot six, over weight and divorced with three kids. But one of the most in demand and highest paid directors for commercial work. After side stepping from the wine and having my coffee, we agreed that I would be the creative director on the project as well as be the lead actor, and we settled on a price.
We go through one full month of meeting for lunches as I organize hiring a stylist, make up artists, dancers, crew, location hire, everything. Every lunch meeting we had, there was wine or champagne involved. After every glass there was a compliment, and I would just smile politely and change the subject. “I love that red lipstick, you have such beautiful lips that it just makes them look even more luscious.” … “So I got in touch with the other dancers and they are on board for the shoot date!” Would be my response.
Come shoot day, all went according to plan and I was impressed with myself for making it all happen. I had successfully curated a commercial on my own with a big time director. I kept thinking, You did this - you made this happen! This is only the beginning! But unfortunately, those thoughts ceased rapidly. After we wrapped and were cleaning up, the crew decided to pour one of the tequila bottles to have a celebratory margarita before packing the last of the equipment. As I’m standing at the bar, with my inner monologue playing, I feel hands firmly on my lower back from behind. These hands caress my hips, then closely wrap around my stomach as a body is pushed against mine from behind and I feel a scratchy beard on my shoulder and neck. This voice says low into my ear, “You did a great job today. Can I take you out to celebrate?”
It’s an interesting psychology on three levels. First; how I ignored his flirtatious advances, compliments and attempts to get me drunk during his courting process. Second; my instinctual reaction to his final physicality of touching me in such an intimate and passively aggressive way. And third; as I relive this story, I think to myself, how could you have been so naive - it’s so obvious he was just trying to sleep with you.
1. Every time he uttered a compliment or observation of my physical self, I ignored it. Because as a woman, I have been conditioned to take these comments and ignore them. When we are kids and a boy pulls our hair, it’s because he likes us, so we are taught to ignore it. As adults, we are catcalled on the streets, like most women, and we continue to ignore it. We are constantly informed we must roll these comments off our backs as it’s a compliment, so shouldn’t we be appreciative? (I’m wearing shorts and a tank top when it’s 105 degrees in LA, clearly I am asking for it.) So when a potential business partner who holds power and possibility over me, says, “I could tell you were a dancer, you have such great legs and body”, I ignore it because he is just like every other man. No, if he was a professional and prospective associate, he would not utter come-hither remarks.
Unfortunately, a respectable man is not one I encounter often in this industry. Every producer, writer, director I meet, I have to ask myself if he really does think I am talented, or if he just wants to have sex with me and is using the “meeting” card as a power tool in order to lure me in and lay me down on the casting couch. Honestly, 92% of the time it is the latter. The number of producers and writers who have told me they would help me with my career, name drop, then ask me out for a drink is nauseating.
2. When this particular Director held me against the bar and I recall my reaction, it fills me with melancholy and disappointment. I was so frightened, I could feel the blood rush from my face and hands start to shake. I smiled nervously, turned around and gently pushed him away, aware to not make a scene in front of his colleagues. Then I apologized. I apologized for giving him the wrong impression. For giving him the wrong signals, I only view you as a business partner, nothing more. The reason I apologized? I didn’t want to cause drama with all his crew and my dancers, make up artists and stylists that surrounded us, who I had hired on the clients dime. I felt responsible, and if I reacted, (which would have been appropriate), causing an ordeal, it would end unfavorably for me and the ten talents I represented.
But regardless, the rejection put him in a foul mood and he hurried up his crew and left. The next day I sent him my invoice and was received with radio silence. I followed up with phone calls, texts, emails, and never heard back from him nor the affiliated crew who I reached out to. He had fallen off the face of the planet apparently. Until two month later, when I received a text from him, asking if I would be his date to a Chelsea Football game. To which I responded, “Yes, as soon as I receive my payment from our commercial.” Again, silence. I had to pay all the talent from my own wallet which was not full to begin with.
3. The notion of women instinctively taking blame for being in these scenarios and labelling themselves as the “fault” and being naive, simply has to change. This situation was blatantly not my fault. I am a hard working, ambitious, driven woman and I should never have to apologize for that. From the beginning our relationship was strictly about business and nothing more. I did not flirt, reciprocate his compliments, wear provocative clothing, or anything else that would “send signals” of wanting his old wrinkly ass in the sack. This was his delusion. I made it clear from the beginning this was strictly professional. When he held me up against the bar, I should have turned around and called him out immediately on his unprofessional behavior. Because this was him taking advantage of a young woman in a predatory manner, not my fault or naivety.
Now back to Harvey Weinstein…
My experience was frightening enough, and it was only with a well known commercial director. Harvey Weinstein is probably the most powerful producer in Hollywood. He can literally make or break your career, single handedly have you nominated for an Oscar. Reading the stories of high profile actors and business associates of his, had me clutching my stomach as it churned with disgust and empathy for them. I am a 27 year old actor, working my ass off to make it in this industry. As a woman, I can hold my own and smell a predator from a mile away, because of my experience thus far. But if I was 22 and at this point in my life, and I encountered Weinstein in a situation like Paltrow, in total transparency… I don’t know what I would have done or if I would have been able to get away. His actions are so intimidating and aggressive that combined with his power, what an alarming situation to be in.
Alarming in the obvious circumstance of being alone with an aggressor, but on the other hand to your own psyche. After experiences of my own I was left questioning my self worth and value as I was too afraid to react freely, unleashing my disdain. It chipped away at my confidence because I continuously encountered “colleagues” who only wanted to lure me into bed. Could I sacrifice any more of my self respect for the potential growth of my career? Even just asking myself that question would made me feel less strong willed.
I believe that this scandal is the catalyst for real change in this industry as it will send a strong message to both men and women who are now forced to listen.
To the men; if you don’t want to end up like Harvey, best you figure out how to show women more respect. Times are changing, fellas. We are a generation of women that are sick and tired of your inability to communicate with us as deserved. This behavior will get old, very fast. These experiences of working alongside men who are incapable of working with me without being total creeps and making me extremely uncomfortable… I pity you! I pity the director who tried to get into my pants. I pity Harvey Weinstein. What a sad existence he now leads! It is inevitable that this trend of calling you predators out will continue, and I am totally into it. Wien out these perverts so I can get my work done. By-eee.
As for the women; stand your ground and call out the predators who harassed you. If we show that we take no bull shit, and will not tolerate behavior of harassment, we can turn this around. We have been scared long enough to stay silent, endure and ignore tactics from men in power. What if we scared them? What if we speak out loud our truths, boundaries and expectations so that these pitiful excuses for men become scared straight. To not dare put their hands on us while in a “meeting” or get us drunk over the discussion of a possible promotion. It is engrained in us that we step into a man’s world, so they have the power to treat us how they want and we accept it as the beginning stages of our career. This does not have to be the case. Yes, there are more men in our industries, but if we continue to accept this treatment as an idea of, we all have to go through it, this will not change. Let’s remind ourselves that we actually DON’T have to go through nor accept this behavior. The more of us that stick to that, the less frequent we will encounter it.
My mother called me after the Weinstein scandal broke and she said, “Olivia, I don’t care how fabulous the movie deal or TV role could be. If the man who is offering it to you is preying on you and puts you in that situation, you run. You don’t want to be involved in that project. Fuck them - you’re so much better than that.” Mum is always right.
